I don't wanna grow up :(

I left this as a comment on someone elses blog but felt like sharing further:-

I regularly think "all of them, they are happy, they go to work in retail, some as cleaners, bar attendants, IT helpdesk consultants, receptionists, transport officers, they all do their thing to get by, they don't complain, much... did they have dreams... when did they let go? And accept that this is what I will do for the rest of my life" and then I think "why do I think Im so special... that I continue to tell people Im an artist. Continue to paint pretty pictures no one will see, or at most, respond with "wow you're a really good painter" but not actually contribute to my income. Why do I still believe that I will be better, that I will achieve something?" And then its starts to creep over me... it doesnt feel like failure, but yes, a kind of numb acceptance that, I am only insignificant me, I will never be one of "the almighty them" I will always only be a receptionist who can paint really good... But when this starts to take hold, I, naturally, rebel, like I have always rebelled against that which I should and would but don't want to do. So I print business cards, book an exhibition, advertise myself in local papers, throw myself back into the art market and continue to convince myself that one day.... I will have happened for a reason.I think a friend of mine first alerted me to this condition. He's a bit of a mini celebrity artist in this area I knew from school. He said "growing up is realising you will never be a super hero, you will never be famous, you wont be recognised as a rock god in your garage, your napkin art will never be spotted by a collector at dinner, growing up is realising that you will only be you"

Art school lied to us
Art school told us we would be amazing.